


Fuck Bitches, Get Paper

by tomlindaddy



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crack Fic, Is there gonna be larry in this?, M/M, and by black i literally mean black ass african american harry, black!harry, i am black i promise, i don't know what this means, i wrote this in like a half an hour im tired dont do this, there is kinda larry is this, this honestly crosses some weird ass line of offensive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 07:52:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1597304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlindaddy/pseuds/tomlindaddy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry watches too many vines. It leads into him thinking he's black.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck Bitches, Get Paper

Here's a quick scene for ya'll. All the boys are hanging out in a dressing room. Niall, Liam and Zayn on one couch, Harry curled up in a lazy boy by himself and Louis sprawled out on the floor. Naturally, they're watching _Ghost_. 

It's the scene where the dead guy goes to meet Whoopee Goldberg's black ass when it all starts. 

Harry opens his mouth for some reason nobody knows, "Hey, do you guys think Whoopee Goldberg would have been a thot back in the day?" 

"What did you just say, Harry?" Liam nearly snaps his neck to look over to Harry, his four chins traveling with the rest of his head seconds later. 

Zayn and Niall join in soon after.

"Did you really just fucking say-" 

"Who even gave you the permission to-"

"Ya'll really need to fucking chill, it ain't that serious, fam." Harry bites, rolling his eyes and walking out of the room. 

Zayn is the first to speak, clear confusion in his voice, "What the fuck has possessed his white ass to think _he_ gets to say the word thot?" 

Louis stays dead quiet. 

*

It's been three days since the "thot incident" and Harry hasn't said anything worse than usual. Louis hasn't spoken to Harry since the incident and Harry has been to caught up with vines to even realize. The boys have just  gotten to the stadium and are getting their hair done for the day, all sitting in some random room in the back. Louis is getting his hair blow dried at the moment so he barely hears the sudden outburst, but he does. It knocks him right into the blow drier and he doesn't even react to the heat.

"Is you mad that you a thottie and yo best friend is a squally ya'll stay twerking every nigga every time you at a party!" 

The blow drier cuts off and everyone is staring at Harry, eye's wide and everyone is equally confused as to why he just said _The N Word._   ("As the niggas would call it," Harry says later that day, explaining the situation to Caroline. Who in fact punches him i'm the balls after that.)

"Harry, love, what color is your skin?" Lou asks Harry, setting the blow drier down very carefully and backing away from Harry as if his eyes had just turned red and his head spun around three times. 

"I'm black? What kind of bougie ass question is that?" Harry says, scrunching his eyebrows together and sticking his hand out in a "what kind of bougie ass question is that" way. 

"Okay Harry, you.. you continue that..." Lou replies, turning on the blow drier to finish Louis' hair. But Louis vanished from his seat without anyone noticing. 

*

It's been another week and something is really off with Harry and Liam (as usual) is the first to point it out. Lately, he's been slipping "nigga" out like it's nothing constantly and he's just ordered himself a pair of Tims. Everyone is incredibly worried but are not sure how to break it to him that he's not black and is indeed white. Louis still has not spoken to Harry and Harry is finally beginning to realize, but is not vocal about it. 

Liam squints at Harry's head, touching his hair and rubbing oil between his fingers, "Harry- erm, if you don't mind me asking.. What the fuck is wrong with your hair?" He asks, interrupting his phone conversation.

Harry looks up from admiring his 4 inch hot pink acrylics "Oh that? Can't wash my hair, boo. I got a sew in." He responds, popping his bubblegum and goes back to his phone conversation.

"I don't even- No? No he doesn't his hair is literally the same? It's honestly just greasy?" Liam asks to anyone who will pay attention. Zayn is the only one (as usual).

Zayn smirks back at Liam, "He's always been greasy at least that hasn't changed." Liam and Zayn high five, laughing.

Harry looks up from his phone conversation, hanging up with a quick, "Lemme call you back, girl. These broke niggas wanna talk about my hair." He stands up and pats his head twice then closes his flip phone. 

"Honestly where the fuck did he get a flip phone," Niall says from somewhere else in the room but no one really cares because he's pretty insignificant to life. 

"What did ya'll fufu ass niggas decide to say about me?" Harry whispers, pointing a comb in Liam and Zayn's face, clearly offended. 

Zayn bites back, "I said you're fucking greasy, Harry and you can put the fucking comb down no is afraid of your ugly ass." 

Harry's face softens into a smirk and he replies with a quick, "Call me what you want but you can't call me broke." and sashays out the room, Liam, Zayn and Niall for the first time that he's wearing six inch heels and bleach washed thot jeans.

*

It takes another two weeks until Harry's inner white person cracks and he just has to ask Louis why he won't speak to him. But he's gonna do it in a complete nigga way, enough tho it's still a soft white bitch nigga quality. 

_Wyd lol_

_Hi_

_Bitch Respond_

_K_

_louis_

_louis im gna kms_

_ima do it_

_ima kil myself bruh_

Harry only gets one response.

**do a flip**

*

Because Louis said so, Harry does it for the vine. Except, there's no vine and he just wants to do what Louis said cuz he's a bitch nigga like that.

"BACK AT IT AGAIN AT KRISPY KREME!" Harry screams and does a backflip into a pool.

But he had hit his head on the diving board and suddenly, it wasn't so funny anymore.

(Except it really fucking was because can you imagine Harry Styles screaming BACK AT IT AGAIN AT KRISPY KREME and then FUCKING KILLING HIMSELF ON A DIVING BOARD)

No one rushes to his aid, everyone all slowly hoping he maybe killed himself with a terrible head injury but sadly, they were all wrong.

Harry erupts from the water and yells,  "Dying is for pussy niggas!" and hops out the pool to do another back flip.

Louis sighs dramatically from his hotel room, looking down from his window.

"If only he knew I don't fucks with black niggas.." He sighed, wiping his tears.

*

Louis Tomlinson never recognizes Harry Styles ever again for the rest of his life after he has had his diagnosis. Harry Styles will never be the same again, the doctors say. They say he is truly suffering from Justin Bieber disorder. The disorder in which you think that you are actually black and are indeed from "The Hood". And like they say,

 **once you go black, you _never_ go back**. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'd say i'm sorry if i gave a FUCK bout yo feelings  
> bully me!  
> @tomlindaddy ask.fm/tomlindaddy
> 
> vines inspired:  
> (no particular oder)  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7CDZK4UZFY  
> https://vine.co/v/M6eOdxZHzwI  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SngYwMsxJ4U


End file.
